In Memory of Maggie

In memory of Maggie, who left us on Saturday November 18th, 2006.

I keep trying to remember that the kindest thing you can do is let your pet go quietly and quickly without all the pain and suffering that people experience when they are sick and no cure is available. (from Ann F.)

It is hard to not feel guilty about making the decision to end your pet's life. She would have been in continuous pain that was not alleviated by medication, had we not decided to 'let her go'. I just have to keep telling myself that she is no longer in pain, and is much happier wherever she is.

I miss her so much. When I wake up in the mornings, I still expect her to be right by my bedside, poking her cold wet nose in my face. When we come home at night, I still expect her to be there right at the door as we come in, and not even let us put our things down before she asks for attention.


There are so many times when I think back to the fun we had. When we went to the park down the street from the condo and played off-leash even though we weren't supposed to. The times we went to the dog park and she ignored the other dogs because she was so focused on us throwing the ball to her. The little squeaking noises she made when we were in the car getting close to a place she really liked.










She liked to be wherever we were. That included when we were just hanging out on the deck enjoying some homemade guacamole. She would bring her devil ball (in her mouth at picture on left) and lay down on the deck with us. More than once she put her devil ball down on the deck and it rolled off down into the bushes 4 stories below. Of course, more than once we trekked down to the bushes full of spiders and other creepy-crawlies and fished her devil ball out. It was her favorite.












She loved to walk. She indulged me many a sunday morning when I wanted to explore the new neighborhood or go down to Fremont. She and I would walk for an hour or more, and she still wanted to go longer! That is one of the big things I will miss about her. I loved to go for long walks with her. She gave me a reason to go out and I might not have done it otherwise.







She was always so happy. As my Aunt Ann says: "I have always thought of our pets as “little angels” put here to be our companions, protectors and friends. Dogs know when you’re happy, sad or lonely. They love you unconditionally and all you need to provide is love, food, exercise and basic medical care. "









How could you not love a dog that looked at you with such big brown eyes, and would wiggle her eyebrows so you knew she was trying to figure something out, or keep her eye on you?

















With Thanksgiving coming up, I want to express how thankful I am that we got to spend the time that we did with Maggie. She certainly enriched our lives in ways we never thought possible. I know her life before us wasn't 'bad', but I like to think that she had a better life with us than with her previous owners. We played and exercised together, and fed her good healthy food, and did what we could to make her life more enjoyable.





She is so pretty. The gray on her face just makes her all the more unique and interesting. She had a wonderfully soft coat that was enjoyable to pet. And she was fairly good about letting us bathe her so she would have a nice clean soft coat. The baths also helped her itch less. Boy- we really did everything to combat all her itchiness. I don't think we ever knew for sure what made her itch more at certain times than others. But we did what we could to make her feel better.












David and I spent all our time with her on friday and saturday before we took her to the vet. I would just sit where David is in this picture and pet her. She loved to be touched, and I like to think that having all that attention helped her to relax and feel a little better.








Here we are playing in the park down on Lake Union. She wouldn't let her eye off the ball, so it was hard to trick her into running when we didn't actually throw it. She really loved that park. When we went there on hot days and played, she would go fetch the ball, and take it to a shady spot to lay down and rest for awhile.







She was so tired toward the end. She wouldn't get up to eat, drink or go to the bathroom. Even her favorite toys didn't always get her attention. I took lots of pictures and short videos of her the last two days. But most of the memories I have of her are during her happier, healthier days.









We were buddies, and she was family to me and David. I've never felt this way about an animal before. Sure, I had pets as a kid, but I didn't bond with them the way I bonded with Maggie. I worried about her, and I thought of her before I thought of myself.
















If we gave her both fetch toys at once, she would hoard them unless we could wrestle one of them away. These two toys, the pink football, and the red ball were her two favorite toys to play fetch with. Sometimes she would carry the toy all the way back to the condo in her mouth. It was a good thing they had big holes in them so she could breathe!













If we were working on the computer, she would sometimes come and push her nose up under our arm so we couldn't type. She always wanted love and attention, and she had so much love to give us.















So here's to Maggie, our first family member, our first dog, and a wonderful teacher of unconditional love.

maggie update part II

I can barely stand to type this, but I thought you all should know what we are dealing with. Well, the radiologist sent back his results to the vet. It turns out that it is cancer. It is in the lumbar area of her spine, and has chewed away some of the bone there. The radiologist said that a primary bone tumor or other cancerous lesion should be assumed. The pain she is experiencing could be a result of the chewed up bone, or the tumor impinging on her spinal cord. A tumor of the spine is pretty bad because there is no surgery you can do to fix it. If the dog had a tumor in their leg, they could amputate the leg and the dog could still do well with three legs. But you can't do that with the spinal area. The only option is radiation therapy for this type of tumor.

We have upped her dosage on a pain medication, but it doesn't seem to help her very much. She still can't get up the stairs, and she can't really squat to go to the bathroom she is in so much pain. The vet tells us that if we can't get her pain under control, we need to let go of her. We are heading in that direction as far as a decision on how to deal with this. I know my sadness isn't coming across through my words very well. I am devastated by this prognosis. I want maggie to not be in pain. It is so hard to watch her try to walk and try to go to the bathroom. We are really struggling with this decision of what to do to help her.

update on maggie

Maggie got more x rays at her appt today. The xrays are going to the radiologist and they will let us know tomorrow what the situation is. The Vet says that she's pretty sure it isn't a bone cancer, but that we may have to take her to a neurologist to find out what is causing all this pain. Then we'll have to figure it out from there. Basically, we don't have any answers yet. They gave her some morphine to make her feel better, but when that wears off hopefully the higher dose of the pain medicine will help. I'll be home tomorrow around noon, so I'll get to spend the afternoon with her.

I have no idea what this is going to cost us, or if we can even afford it. What do you do when you can't afford a $10,000 surgery for your dog? I don't even want to think about it, and until we know more information there is no decision we can make.

Maggie's new toy

Just to post something today, here are some cute pictures of Maggie with her new toy given to her by Linda and Pete.

Her paw is looking pretty good--and she doesn't seem to need the e-collar anymore. Thank goodness!

maggie update

Just wanted to let you all know that we got the results back from maggie's lump pathology and it shows all signs of being benign.  The only thing is that there were no normal healthy cells around the margins of the mass they removed, which means some melanoma is still  on her.  We have two options for right now.  We can take her toe off which would "cure" her of the melanoma, or we can watch the toe and see if it comes back, and then take the toe off if necessary.  I think we've decided to take the second option.

Her surgery wound also got infected, so we are dealing with that for her (antibiotics and creams).  They gave us a bigger "cone" for her, in the hopes that she wouldn't be able to get to the toe to lick, but somehow she has figured out how to get to it.  I'm not sure how big they make those cones, but we may need to see if they have an even longer one. 

We take her to the vet again today, so, hopefully we can get some of this figured out.

surgery went well

Got a call from the vet--the surgery went well, and we are going to pick her up in about 45 minutes. We won't find out about the malignancy for 10-14 days.  But for now, Maggie made it through! 

surgery today

Maggie goes in for her surgery today.  We dropped her off this morning, and we should get her back sometime after 3pm.  It is a little bit scary.  Actually, what has me scared now is the anesthesia and putting her under.  I guess when animals (and people) get older, general anesthesia becomes a trickier process.  Anyway,  we'll have to wait and see.  I'm carrying my cell phone everywhere with me in case they need to get a hold of me.

maggie needs surgery

We took maggie to the vet on tuesday for her annual check-up, but also to have the vet look at a growth on her paw that had gotten bigger over the course of a year.  They aspirated the mass to get some cells for cytology analysis.  We found out yesterday that the mass is melanoma, but they had too few cells to tell whether it is malignant or benign.  So, next week, maggie will have surgery to get the mass removed.  Then they can send it somewhere to get a histo-pathology (whatever that means exactly).  And I guess at that point, we'll find out whether she needs more treatment or not. 

I'm trying to be positive about the whole thing.  The doc said that about 85% of masses that originate on the skin end up being benign, so I figure I have the odds on my side, at least.  But when I found out yesterday I couldn't help but reflect on maggie's mortality.  She is a living animal and will die eventually. I know that in my head.  I just don't want it to ever happen.  It really made me sad to imagine life without Maggie.  But like I said, I'm trying to be positive, so I keep telling myself that it will all be okay, and maggie will be fine, and will heal up normally, and the only thing that might hurt will be our checkbook.

so that's that.  Just wanted to share the news.  I'm sure it will be fine.  I'm sure it will be fine.  I'm sure it will be fine.  (If you say it three times, it will come true, right?)

poor maggie

It just hurts my heart to see maggie uncomfortable or sick.  Last night she got sick a few times (okay more like 5 times) from 11:30 pm to 2:30 am.   You could just tell she didn't feel well.  When I talked to the vet today, she asked if maggie had eaten any foreign objects etc.  I can't think of anything that would have made her as sick as she was.  She didn't eat anything out of the ordinary yesterday.  It almost seemed like a virus or something.  like a 24 hour bug? 

 

This morning I didn't give her any food, in case her tummy was still upset, and I have been slowly introducing small portions of food this afternoon.  She wasn't drinking water or anything for awhile this morning, but she seems to be drinking more water now.  But she is still quite lethargic and just doesn't quite seem like herself.

 

I really hope it has run its course.  David and I need to get some sleep tonight.  4.5 hours is just not enough.  My body is used to 8.5. 

 

anyway,  I went to work this morning to have a meeting for 1 hour and then I booked it home and have been working from home since then.  I am just amazed at how productive I am here at home.  There is no one to interrupt my writing, and so I've gotten quite a bit done.  And that's a good thing, since I'll be leaving on wednesday for a work trip to d.c.  and I'll get to see em and mel too.  My meeting lasts until friday, and then I'm flying to boston to visit.  I'm excited as I've never been to boston.

update on Maggie and Grandma

Things aren't much improved with Maggie. She is still licking/scratching, and has even figured out a way to lick her front AND back paws while she has the e-collar on (That is one flexible doggie). Add to that the fact that she doesn't like her food, and got sick on it twice, and she is really not a happy camper. She hardly ate at all yesterday, but this morning she did eat most of her breakfast, so that made me feel better.

Also, I wanted to say Happy Birthday to my Grandma who celebrated her birthday this past saturday. I won't say how old she is, in case she doesn't want anyone to know...but suffice it to say that she has made it through many decades! Way to go Grandma! You are as young as you think you are!

Another Pooch Tale

We took Maggie to the Vet this morning. Her scratching and licking was getting worse, and we also noticed a growth on her foot. She is in pretty bad shape. Here were the results from the vet visit.

Growth on paw was biopsied and sent off to a lab for testing. Doc says they will check for cancer and that the growth is worrisome. Not sure when we'll get the results.

She has a really bad ear infection. Again, the doc said that the bacteria in her ear was the more difficult stubborn kind, and that we need to be really diligent about cleaning out her ears everyday and applying some medicine they gave us.

The raw spots from her licking were shaved, and we are to put an antibiotic on those daily as well. They also gave us an e-collar (elizabethan collar) to prevent her from doing further damage to herself. She has to wear it whenever we are not around to monitor her.

Since the allergies seem to be getting worse, they are putting Maggie on a very strict diet of special food for 6 weeks. She can have no treats, supplements, people food, during that time--she can only eat the approved food from the vet. It will probably be tough for a while. That means no peanut butter in her Kong toy! She loves that peanut butter! And the antihistamines we are supposed to continue giving her have to be given without the usual sneaky cover foods. We have some canned food from that vet that we can use for the pills, but we'll see how long that lasts.

I'm being a stressed mom right now. There are just so many things that are wrong with her that it is really worrying me. I'm also worried about remembering all the things we need to do for her everyday. And worrying about the trip we are taking in 2 weeks.

So, sorry to bore you all with my doggie digressions but she is just about the only thing on my mind today.

bitty booties

Maggie now has licked raw a spot on her front paw -again on the pads of her feet. We put a sock on it yesterday to keep it dry so it can begin to harden again, but she just licked the sock till it was soaking wet. So, we went out and bought doggie clothes.

Well, they are only doggie booties. They are waterproof so that any licking won't get the paw wet, and they tighten with velcro around her ankle. But she hasn't taken it off her paw yet, so that is a good sign. I wanted to take a picture of her this morning before I left for work so I could post it, but I didn't have time.

Tomorrow we are heading off for a weekend with David's work to sinclair island, which is in the San Juan Islands. So, no posting until next tuesday. (Unless I post a pic or something this evening)

poor pooch

Maggie has been doing a lot of itching/scratching/licking lately. We figured it might just be from the heat, and since she wasn't licking anything raw, we didn't concern ourselves with it too much. However, last night as I was reading harry potter, I heard her licking and looked down to see what she was doing. There was a completely hairfree spot that was red and raw on the inside of her hind leg. I felt so bad for her!

We've been giving her some antihistamines to help with the itchiness, but it is obviously getting worse. David is taking her to the vet today to see if they can do anything else for her. We can't figure out what the itching is from. When we first adopted her, she was doing a lot of scratchng, but we figured it was from the stress of a new place, etc. and it did subside after awhile. Well, it is back! We haven't really been giving her anything different than before, so we aren't sure what it could be.

I just want to make it better, but I don't know how. And she can't tell me what is wrong. Poor Maggie-She looks so sad.