Heavy Stuff

Wowzers! I went back and re-read my last post and it sure was heavy. Sorry to those of you it scared. I'm feeling better now. Zippity Do-Da!

standing outside myself

I hate these kinds of mornings. The ones where you wake up from a night of crazy dreams and they seem to control the rest of your day. Your sleep is not restful since you are fighting with yourself all night long in your dreams.

Last night I had weird dreams. Some people may find this weird, but I do put some stock into my dreams. I think they can point out things that I am not ready to face in the light of day. I had really bad nightmares when I was trying to decide to stay in grad school. I talked them out with my mom and they started to make sense. They really were the gut feelings I was having, but that I wasn't allowing myself to feel because I was too busy thinking.

Well, last night I had two dreams with similar themes. In both dreams there were two of me. I was looking myself from outside myself. In the first one I was running from something, and I saw myself on a chairlift with my sisters. I reached out to pull my arm but the chairlift was already to far gone. But the next chair had me and my sisters on it again. I reached out and barely touched my arm, but the Me on the chairlift didn't turn around.

The second dream was even more disturbing. I was back in high school, except that I was married. I didn't have the white shirt to go with my uniform so I was wearing a blue shirt that said "TRUTH". No one had a white shirt for me to borrow. But then some boys said they had a shirt, so I went over to get it. (There are still 2 me's-one doing the action and the other watching). The boys said mean stuff to Action Me, and so Watching Me got really mad and started yelling, crying and trying to get people to understand that what happened to Action Me was not okay, and contrary to a classmate's comment, was not "christian" (I don't know where that came from!) People expected Watching Me to go to classes, but there was no way I could deal with those people, so I told the teachers that I would test out of their classes so I didn't have to attend.

The second dream was sad, emotional, and just plain frustrating. It is also probably the one with the most dream "interpretation" fodder.

My take on my dreams: I'm not being true to myself, and I'm not taking care of myself like I should be. There are obviously some issues in the second dream and I need to deal with. I think a part of that dream is also saying that there is a real me (with TRUTH) on her shirt, and there is lots of pressure to be a different me (wearing a white (read: pure) shirt). I've got think about that one.

I'm going to do my best not to let this get the best of my day.

This was what the wall looked like on friday. The conduit is now attached to that junction box I already posted. Notice the left side where the wall has been shortened

Check out this amazing electrical handiwork by my studly husband!

Scorcher

Holy Cow! Today is supposed to be a scorcher! I heard it is supposed to get up to 90 degrees today. That is very odd for Seattle in May. Usually we don't get that hot until August. But at least I get to break out my cute summer shirts and skirts that I recently bought after losing weight!

Thanks to everyone who commented or sent me emails about my blog. It is exciting to try something new. I just hope I can make my life interesting enough to have something to post. See I've already resorted to talking about the weather! ;-) Not a good sign!

On wednesday night David and I went to meet a friend from school who used to be in my program. She left after her master's degree. Actually there were 4 of us there from our cohort, and 3 of us had left the program. We talked about it a little bit, and talking to them just reinforced the feelings I am having now about school. I'm not sure that I will go back. Of course, I've left that option open, but at this point, I really feel like I made the right decision to take a step back from it. Otherwise, I might be doing something just because I am supposed to do something, not because I really want to do it. (yes, there are times when you do things because you are supposed to...but I don't think this is one of them) I also was trying to help another friend get some work done on her dissertation (she is having a tough time) and all I could think was, "Thank god I'm not doing that right now". Just another situation where my feelings (not thoughts) showed my the correct path I should be on.

Me and Maggie, our lovely 7yr. old Golden Retriever

The dining room side of our newly designed, but not yet built /remodeled wall

The hallway side of our newly designed, but not yet built /remodeled wall

Here goes...

Recently my husband and I started a home improvement project. Now, like most condo/homeowners, we always have about 10 projects we'd like to work on. But the current one is one we've talked about alot and have actually designed and redesigned multiple times.

In our condo there is an aesthetic wall between the dining room and the hallway. Basically it is there so you don't look right into the bathroom while you eat dinner. While this is a nice idea, it makes the space feel cramped and limits circulation. What we are doing is cutting a whole in the wall, and putting in some wood shelves, and also making the wall a little over a foot shorter so we have more room.

I find myself telling people that WE are working on a project, when really D. does all the work. He cut the hole and shortened the wall, he is going to do some electrical work on it, and I said I'd help with mudding and painting. But those are just finishing things. I sometimes feel like such a lump, not knowing how to do these things. And the feminist in me wants to learn how to do them so I can be self-sufficient. Another part of me says, I don't really care and I'd rather spend my time doing something else. A contradiction in my soul.

I'll post a picture of the design as soon as I figure out how to post it.